2016, a year like no other was met with great hopes and dreams. On New Years Eve (just over a year ago), I stood watching the Sydney fireworks with my hubby’s arms wrapped around me. I pondered over the last 5 New Years Eve’s, and how each year I was determined that this was the year we were going to create our baby. But last year I made a decision to do things differently. I couldn’t control our baby-making outcome (that was in the hands of the universe). But I could certainly shake things up and do things differently. As Albert Einstein once said. . .
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results
Each year I choose a word to guide me through the year. In 2016 it was CREATE. You see after 5 years of riding the fertility roller-coaster, I was starting to feel a little uncreative and slightly insane, from doing the same thing over and over. Each day felt like groundhog day and when I added it all up, my lack of creativity and insanity consisted of:
# 12 IVF’s (5 with no eggs retrieved – absolute insanity)!
# 63 months of negative pregnancy tests.
# 8 different IVF doctors – I mean how many more opinions could a girl with DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) and high NK cells (natural killer cells) need? Every doctor had sat me down and given me the 1% chance of conception with my own eggs + then the donor eggs is really your best option speech.
# A plethora of pills, supplements and herbs consumed day-after-day (3 times daily to be exact, and after 5 years I was gagging on this stuff). Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge advocate of natural fertility and its helped me immensely, but nothing is going to magically create eggs if they just aren’t there to begin with.
# Hundreds of mornings charting my basal body temperatures, blood tests, ovulation tests, scans and examinations.
# Month-after-month, dishing out hundreds and hundreds of $$$ to fertility treatment, leaving us $253,000 lighter.
So in 2016 I finally decided enough was enough and I was going to break free of my lack of creativity and insanity. By choosing CREATE as my word of the year – by healing my fertility wounds, growing and transforming, I:
# Surrendered to my fertility diagnosis that my eggs needed a little helping hand (notice I’m not saying my eggs were old, tired or redundant – It was and is super important to me that my body is my friend and that I don’t see it as broken). It was extremely difficult for me to put my hand up and say “hey my eggs need a little helping hand” as I’d always believed if I ate the right foods, took the right supplements and saw the right healers that I was going to be that girl that magically conceived (even against the odds and the 1% chance my doctors had given me).
# I made peace with the idea that my eggs needed help (maybe not forever, but to give this baby a chance) and embraced the gift of my sisters eggs. Now this was not an overnight or easy process and is a blog post and potential book in the making. It’s a process that was filled with so many raw emotions, so much creativity, and so many twists and turns to get me to where I am today.
# I surrendered my fertility plans to the universe by getting creative, jumping out of my box and choosing to move forward with our egg donation plans. If this is how my baby was choosing to be born, who was I to stop it?
# I detached myself from my baby having to be conceived in the perfect way I had conjured up in my mind (which was a natural conception with my own eggs, eating oysters, a glass of fine champagne and a romantic holiday setting). Instead I held the space for our Sprout by taking time out from work, connecting with my hubby, talking to our future baby, meditating, immersing myself in nature and just being.
# I really got OK, with it being OK, to create our family in our own special way (for us that was egg donation, here is our story).
And then BAM, after or second egg donation transfer and riding the fertility roller-coaster for 5.5 years, at 5am on Monday 4th July 2016, we saw those 2 little pink lines and a FREAKING positive pregnancy… For the first time ever!
So yes 2016 was amazing in so many ways (and of course challenging in others). But the one thing we’d been dreaming of and planning for so long had finally come true! Our Sprout was in arms reach and we were going to CREATE our family!
If it feels right for you, it really is worth reflecting on your 2016 to clear the way for 2017. Take a step back and ask yourself:
What dreams gratefully came true in 2016?
What was your greatest challenge of 2016?
What were your lessons learnt in 2016?
How would I sum up 2016 in 3 words?
After you’ve had a chance to reflect on 2016, you might have some clarity on how you’d like 2017 to look. Can you describe how you’d like 2017 to BE in 3 words? (hint: this is key to finding your ONE WORD TO BRING YOUR BABY DREAMS ALIVE THIS YEAR). Now look over your 3 words and really sink into each of these. Does one jump out at you as your shining light for the year ahead? If so, AMAZING, but if not that’s ok – sit on your 3 words and mull them over until one feels just right for you. Don’t worry, you’ll know when you’ve got it.
My one WORD to bring my baby dreams alive this year is GRACE. Yes, I am ever so gratefully nearly 32 weeks pregnant… But there is so much more I’m learning of late to bring our Sprout into the world in the way that’s right for the 3 of us.
So what’s GRACE about for me…
# It’s about the smoothness and elegance of my movement, communication and relationships.
# The effortlessness of every day living – that’s living in the present moment and just being.
# The exercise of love, kindness, respect, courteousness and goodwill – to myself first and foremost and then those around me.
# Bringing honour to myself through my attendance and participation in ’this school of life’ here on earth.
To me, GRACE means going within, gratitude, opening my heart, flowing with the universe, following my bliss, shining my light, transformation and finding joy in the experience of living!
So my friend, what’s your one word to bring your baby dreams alive this year. What word feels right to move your baby one-step closer to you? Reflect on your word. How will you live and breath it? I’d love to hear in the comments below what resonates with you! This really could be one of your most powerful tools for the year!